Look At Me
by SSEE729
Summary: Chris Diaz loves his job and the thrill he gets from doing his best to 'Protect and Serve'. But, on a call out to an armed robbery, Chris is shot by a suspect. Sam Swarek and Oliver Shaw must do everything they can to assure that Chris survives, and Chris must struggle for his life. The consequences of the shooting give a life altering change of perspective to several officers.
1. Look At Me

_**I really like the character of Chris, and I've noticed that there aren't that many fan fics about his character. So, I decided to write one. Hopefully you guys like this! Let me know, please review! Also, if you like this, please take a look at my other Rookie Blue fanfics. Thanks guys, I hope you like it!**_

"You go around back, I'll take the front. Traci you're with me. Oliver, go with Chris." Sam Swarek spoke quietly, gesturing with his hands. They had been called out to an armed robbery, and the suspect was thought to be armed.

Chris nodded quickly. "Right sir" Sam gave him a quick look and shook his head. He had told the kid numerous times to call him 'Sam' or 'Swarek', but the kid was too polite. He would have told him again if there hadn't been an armed man inside the building they were about to enter. He had other things on his mind.

Oliver grabbed Chris's shoulder and the two started walking quietly around the back. Chris watched as Swarek and Traci walked around the corner toward the front of the building, and he and Oliver started toward the back. He could start to hear voices yelling at each other, and Oliver gestured to his mouth, telling Chris to be silent. Chris's heart started beating faster. He was about to walk into an armed robbery. This was a thrill. This was his job. He smiled. Serve and Protect.

"Give me the money! Give me the money now! Put your hands up and shut up! Now do it!" Chris could hear a voice yelling, and he assumed it was to the cashier. Oliver stepped into the store first.

"Put your hand up! Police! Stop now! Drop the gun! Put your hands behind your head!" Oliver shouted. Chris walked in behind him, gun pointed at the man in the hooded sweatshirt pointing his gun at the cashier.

The man did not even glance at Oliver, and kept pointing his gun at the cashier. Chris's heart was beating even faster.

"I said put the gun down now!" Oliver shouted again. Chris looked behind the gunman and saw that Swarek and Traci had entered as well.

"Put the gun down!" Oliver shouted again.

Chris looked from the gunman to Oliver. Neither looked like they were going to be putting their gun down anytime soon. Swarek moved closer to the gunman quietly and quickly. For all Chris knew, the gunman had no idea there were two officers behind him. Swarek grabbed the gunman's hand quickly and placed it behind his back. Chris started to smile, and turned to look at Traci, but out of the corner of his eye he saw another man. He turned quickly and saw another man in a sweatshirt holding a gun. The second man in a sweatshirt started to raise his gun. Chris looked quickly at the man and the path of his gun. It was pointed at Swarek's back and Swarek was cuffing the man's accomplice.

"Put the gun down!" Chris shouted. The man looked at Chris quickly and then raised the gun and pointed it at Swarek. "Sir!" Chris shouted quickly and just as Sam was about to turn around, the man fired. _**Swarek doesn't know. He can't see the gunman. It's pointed at his back. Stop. Stop it. He's my friend. Serve and Protect. **_Chris thought quickly, it was racing through his mind in a split second before he jumped in front of the gun. Maybe he hadn't thought it through properly, and maybe it wasn't the logical thing to do, but Chris knew he had to, and he had moved before he even really thought it through.

"Chris!" Traci shouted quickly, moving toward him. "Diaz!" Oliver shouted as well. Sam was still turning around, the accomplice cuffed. Sam shoved him to the ground, and pulled out his gun. Oliver and Traci had pulled their guns out again.

Chris saw all this. _**It's okay.**_ He thought to himself. And then he felt a sharp pain right below his vest and it increased and increased until he could no longer stand, and he dropped to the ground. Chris assumed it happened pretty quickly, because he was on the ground before he had even heard Oliver finish calling out his name.

Chris heard another gunshot but he didn't know whose gun it was from. And then he heard several more. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. He knew those were from his colleagues. His friends. Had he been hit? He could only guess. And the pain in his stomach seemed to support his accusation.

He heard his name called out again but he didn't know whose voice it was, and he heard the other gunman fall to the ground quickly. "Chris!" Everything muffled, quiet, soft, he could feel the pain but it didn't hurt as bad as he thought it would. He couldn't hear that well. He tried to look around but someone's hands were grasping his head. He looked up at them, it was Traci.

Chris saw Sam running toward him, and it looked odd because Chris was lying on his back and Sam was coming from behind him. Chris tried to turn his head, but Traci's hands were holding him steady. Oliver was running toward him too, and he looked more serious than Chris had ever seen him in his life before.

Swarek was shouting something but Chris couldn't really hear him. Oliver was shouting something as well and Chris couldn't really hear him either. He wondered if he was talking to Swarek or if he was talking to him. He didn't really know. He tried to move, but Traci's hands were still holding on to his neck.

Then all of a sudden, Chris could hear very well. It was as if he had been in shock and had just snapped out of it. Everything was really loud. And Chris couldn't tell if it was because it had just been so quiet and he couldn't hear that well for a few minutes, or if it was because everyone was yelling so loudly. Maybe it was both, but he wasn't sure.

It was loud, and the pain was starting to kick in. Never mind about it not hurting as bad as he thought it would. It hurt worse. He let out a groan, and felt Traci's hands on his neck.

"Chris! Chris! Can you hear me, buddy? Chris!" Swarek was shouting, he was getting closer to Chris, and all of a sudden Chris could feel his hands on his stomach.

"Yea, yea" Chris said softly. His voice wasn't really working the way it normally did and Chris didn't know why. He tried to speak again but he saw Swarek shake his head. "It's okay. It's okay. Don't try to talk. It's alright."

Chris saw Swarek look to Traci quickly. "Traci go get the first aid kit." Sam said sternly. Traci either didn't hear him or didn't want to move. Chris couldn't tell. But he looked at her and offered as much of a smile as he could and she smiled back. "Traci go, now!" Sam said again, his voice harsher this time. Traci looked scared but she nodded quickly and ran outside.

"Alright, you're going to be okay, Chris. It's okay." Swarek said again. Chris felt the pain getting worse and he groaned again. "Ahhhhhggghhh!" Chris placed his hand on his stomach and felt Swarek's hands there applying pressure over his wound. Chris took his hands off and looked at them. And they were covered in blood.

Maybe it was because he had actually seen the blood now, but his stomach started to hurt even more. Chris felt his heart beat faster and he was getting worried. I was shot. I was shot. I'm bleeding. It hurts. I was shot. The idea was just starting to sink in with him and it scared him. He whimpered and he hoped that Swarek hadn't heard him.

"Hey, hey, Chris, it's okay. It looks worse than it is, okay." Apparently Swarek knew exactly what he was thinking. Chris felt Sam press harder against his stomach and he looked up to see Oliver coming over as well.

"Where's he hit?" Oliver asked Sam quickly. Both men had started taking off their shirts and pressing them against Chris's wounds.

"Stomach" Chris said quietly. Again, his throat wasn't exactly working as he had expected it too.

"And his leg" Swarek said quickly. Oliver looked quickly at Chris's leg and noticed the wound he hadn't a minute ago. Maybe he had been too concentrated on his stomach wound. Or maybe just his face. His rookie.

Leg? Chris thought to himself. What? "What?" Chris asked quietly trying to sit up. Swarek placed his hands on Chris's chest.

"Sit down Chris. Lay down. It's alright." Swarek said quickly. He pressed his shirt tighter against Chris's stomach and was starting to get concerned. He was losing a lot of blood.

"Leg?" Chris asked softly. He looked from Swarek to Oliver. They looked at each other.

"Yea, you've been shot in the leg, too. It's alright though." Swarek said quickly.

"I, I," Chris tried to look down at his leg, but Oliver shifted and placed his hands on Chris' neck. "Shhhh, it's alright, Chris. Just lay down."

"I, I can't, I don't, it doesn't, it doesn't, my leg, it doesn't hurt, I can't feel it." Chris said worriedly, he shook his head, and Oliver rubbed his hand softly through Chris's hair. Swarek and Oliver looked at each other quickly and shared a look. They both then looked at Chris's wound on his stomach and followed it with their eyes to his back.

Swarek was still looking at Oliver when Chris thought he saw him close his eyes for a second or two. Something else crossed across his face. Oliver looked worried as well. Sam opened his eyes quickly and pursed his lips together before shaking his head slightly. Chris thought he saw something else cross across his face, but he couldn't tell. Sam looked worried. _**But Sam didn't get worried. Sam Swarek never got worried. What was this? What's happening?**_ Swarek must have noticed the concerned look on Chris's face because then he smiled. But it was too late, his smile couldn't cover up the worry and concern that Chris had already seen.

"It's alright, Chris. You're okay. It's alright." Swarek said quickly. Chris felt his hands on his stomach and he grabbed Swarek's wrist with his own.

"What's, what's" Chris tried to speak but the pain in his stomach was increasing worse and worse. He felt like something was ripping through him slowly and he wanted to scream. He forgot about the gunshot on his leg. All he could feel was the wound on his stomach and it was hurting more and more and he wanted to scream. "Agghhhh!" Chris let out loudly. His stomach was feeling weird and his throat started to sound weird too. Then he started to cough and for a few seconds he felt like he couldn't breathe. He started coughing hard and loud and then he started to cough up blood. It was trickling over the side of his mouth and every time he tried to speak he would cough up some more.

"Traci!" Swarek yelled loudly. "Traci, where the hell are you!"

"Hey, it's alright, buddy, it's okay, kid, just look at me, alright, just look at me." Oliver said as he looked at Chris's face while he was holding his neck. He was kneeling behind his head and trying to keep his head steady. He didn't want Chris to choke on his blood though. Oliver looked to Sam quickly and Sam nodded.

"On three" Sam said quickly. "One , two, three" Sam pressed extremely tightly against Chris's stomach and Chris let out a yell. At the same time Sam pushed Chris forward, and Oliver pulled him up onto him, so that his head and some of his chest was on Oliver's lap. It elevated him a little bit, and Chris felt like he could breathe a little better.

"There you go" Sam said quickly. Oliver wiped the blood from Chris's mouth quickly before he put them back on Chris's neck.

A few seconds later Traci walked in and jogged over to Chris. She handed Swarek the first aid kit and he ripped it open quickly. He tossed aside a few things and then pulled out some gauze and some clotting salt. Holding Chris's stomach with one hand, Swarek placed a bag of clotting salt up to his mouth with his other hand, and holding it, ripped it open with his teeth quickly. His hand was a dark red. It was drenched up to his forearm in blood. Chris gasped. Was he bleeding that badly? Swarek spit out the paper and dumped the salt on Chris's stomach. Swarek looked at Traci.

"Take him outside." Swarek gestured to the man in the sweatshirt who he had been cuffing quickly. "Put him in the back of the car. Lock the door. We need you in here."

Traci nodded. "Okay" Traci was a little slow getting up off the floor from next to Chris. She ran her hand through his hair and then walked to the man that Swarek had cuffed.

"You. Get up now. Get up!" Traci yelled. She grabbed him forcefully and walked him outside. Chris tried to watch but he was starting to get dizzy. His eyes were starting to blur. The images were multiplying and moving over each other, coming in and out, some popping in and out, looking really big, and then really small. Everything was spinning. Traci was spinning. The shelves of products and sales items were spinning. Sam was spinning. Oliver was spinning. The floor was spinning. Chris tried to pick his hand up, but it felt heavy, almost as if he were in a centrifuge and gravity was working against him, he however managed to bring it high enough to glance at it. It was covered in blood. It was spinning. Chris started to close his eyes. But then he opened them again. He started to close them again, but then he opened them again, and caught Oliver looking directly at him.

"No, no, buddy, come on, look at me. Don't do that. Don't close your eyes. Look at me. Right here. Keep looking at me." Oliver said quickly. His voice was scary. Not yelling scary and not deep scary. It was emotional scary. Sounding like it was on the verge of breaking, scary. Not it's usual self, scary. Desperate, gritting teeth scary. And it made Chris even more scared then he already was.

The room was spinning and it felt as if it were increasing spinning faster and faster. Chris tried to look at Sam and see if he was as worried as Oliver, but he could barely see him. "You're going to be okay, Chris, just keep looking at us!" Swarek yelled. Chris saw him rip open another bag of the clotting salt and could barely feel him dump it on his stomach. It made him wonder how many bags of the stuff he had used and if it was working. But his mind was getting too tired to think and his head felt heavy.

Chris coughed again and spit blood out of his mouth. He had accidentally sprayed Oliver in the face with it, and he had blood droplets on his face. Swarek had gotten some on him too, but neither of them seemed to mind.

"You're okay, Chris!" Oliver yelled quickly. Chris was feeling even more dizzy. He started to close his eyes again, but Swarek yelled at him.

"No, Diaz. No! Don't do that! Stop that! That's an order! I know how you like to follow the rules. Look at me. Don't stop looking at me! Keep looking at me! Don't look away!" Chris could hear that Swarek's voice was scary too. Not as scary as Oliver's, but almost so. Because even a little bit of emotion went a long way with Sam Swarek, and his voice was full of it.

Chris tried to nod, but coughed even more. He spit blood out all over himself, Oliver, and Swarek. He mouthed. 'I'm sorry'

"Hey, hey, come on, it's alright" Oliver said quickly. He was looking around frantically, but tried to smile.

Sam was looking around quickly too. He grabbed some gauze out of the first aid kit and shoved it onto Chris's stomach, pressing it against his stomach hard with his hands. "Where is Traci? Where the hell is the ambulance?"

"I'm right here" Traci said quickly as she jogged over to Chris on the floor. "Sorry. Ambulance will be here in two" Traci looked at Chris and Chris could see her eyes widen.

"Chris" Traci said softly. Chris could see the tears in her eyes and they started to run down her face. "Chris" Traci repeated again. She looked at him with such sad eyes and she gasped. "What do I, what do I do? Is he going to be okay?"

"That's not helping!" Sam said quickly as Traci started to cry quietly. "Stop that! Help us, we need your hands!"

Traci nodded from side to side quickly. "I can't. I can't. I don't know, I don't know what to do. Look at him, look at him!" Traci gasped again.

"Stop that! We need you, Nash. Put your hands on his leg and press tightly. Do it!" Sam yelled angrily. Chris could barely hear him again. He looked quickly at Oliver and then to Traci. He tried to smile at her, tell her it was okay. But he started to cough again, and he spat more blood out of his mouth, spraying it in a mist.

"He's spitting up blood!" Traci yelled. "What do I do? What do I do!"

"We know!" Sam yelled back. "We know. Just hold his leg. Tightly. Apply pressure, as much as possible."

Chris started to feel dizzy again, and started to close his eyes. He felt dizzy. Everything was spinning. Everyone was spinning. Traci, Oliver, and Sam.

"Hey!" Sam yelled forcefully. "I told you to look at me! Look at me! Chris, come on! That's an order, listen to me! Keep looking at me!" Sam stared at Chris's eyes and Chris nodded as much as he could. But they connected and they both knew it. They shared the message with their eyes. Chris silently asked if he was going to be okay. And Sam silently answered that he wasn't going to let anything happen to him on his watch. Chris tried to smile again, but coughed out some more blood.

"Aggghhhh!" Sam yelled. "Where's the ambulance?"

"I don't know. But we have to stop this bleeding. We need to stop it. He's losing a lot of blood, Sam!" Oliver said quickly.

Chris didn't look away from Sam's face. He could feel the blood trickling down his face and he continued to look at Sam. He felt Sam's hands on his stomach, Oliver's on his neck and in his hair. He continued looking at Sam. He could barely hear anything anymore and he was extremely dizzy. He continued to look at Sam. He wanted to look down at his stomach, but he didn't. Because he continued to look at Sam's face.

"I know, I know" Sam said quickly. "I think I can hear them!" Sam looked out at the street and then looked back at Chris. Chris watched him look for the ambulance.

"Yea, they're definitely almost here. Traci, go get them. Start telling them what's wrong." Oliver said quickly. Traci got up quickly and ran outside.

Sam was now almost lying on top of Chris's chest, pressing his body against his to stop the bleeding. "They're almost here, keep looking at me, okay, you're okay" Sam said quickly. The blood was oozing out of Chris's wound and onto Sam's white undershirt.

"Twenty-four years old, his name is Chris Diaz, he has a gun shot wound to the stomach, and another to the left leg." Chris could barely hear Traci as she walked back in with the paramedics.

Sam was looking at Chris, and Chris was still looking at him. Oliver looked at the paramedics quickly. "Tell me when to move" Oliver said.

"Let's just ease him back down to the floor." One of the paramedics said quickly. Oliver lowered Chris back down to the floor and started to move away slowly. He rubbed his hands through his hair one more time and gave him a little, sad smile. His rookie had been shot. His friend had been shot.

Sam was still looking at Chris and Chris was still looking at him. "I put four bags of quick clotting salt on his stomach. The bleeding is still pretty bad. He's spitting up blood. His leg wound doesn't look as bad"

"Looks like the bullet missed the vest, went right underneath it." The paramedic said. "We've got to get him to a hospital, now." The other paramedic had laid down a backboard and a stretcher next to Chris. "On three, one, two, three" The paramedic said and he lifted Chris up onto the backboard with the other paramedic and Sam. Sam was still pressing on his stomach, and the paramedics started to push Chris outside.

"Keep that pressure on until we get to the ambulance" The paramedic ordered to Sam, and Sam walked next to the stretcher as they rolled it, pressing on Chris's stomach tightly.

"You keep looking, Chris look at me. There you go" Sam said quickly and he tried to smile. Chris continued to look at Sam, and felt himself being pulled up into the ambulance.

"We've got to get him to the hospital now, you coming?" The paramedic asked quickly. Sam didn't break eye contact with Chris.

"Yea, I'm coming. Oliver, I'm going with Chris, I'll meet you at the hospital!" Sam shouted loudly. "Chris, you've got to look at me the whole way there, okay? I want you to look at me! Look at me okay! Look at me okay!" Sam smiled at Chris.

The ambulance started to take off and Chris could hear the sirens. He felt like his head was moving a hundred miles and hours, but his body was moving at a normal speed. He wanted to close his eyes. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to scream in pain. He wanted to grab his stomach and scream. But he didn't. He continued to look at Swarek in the eyes.

"Just keep looking at me, okay?" Sam asked quickly. He was still pressing his hands on Chris's stomach.

Chris managed to nod a little bit. "Yes sir"

_**Please review! Let me know what you think! What are your thoughts so far? What do you think is going to happen? I'd like to see what you guys think! Thanks, and I hope you liked it so far! Thanks! Please continue to read!**_


	2. He'll Be Alright

_**Thanks to the people who reviewed! It really keeps me motivated, and I really like to hear what you guys think! I really like to write, and feedback is always appreciated! Thanks guys! Please continue to read and review!**_

Everything was getting more and more quiet. The sirens could barely be heard anymore and Chris could barely see anything. His eyes felt heavier than they ever had in his life, even heavier than the time he and Dov had bet each other they couldn't pull a double all nighter. Chris started to let his eyes close on him a little, but refused to do so all the way. The strain of keeping them open was painful, but he had been ordered to keep them open by Swarek. And, honestly, Chris was scared of what would happen if he did close his eyes. And he was sure that Swarek was too.

"There you go, Chris" Swarek's voice was quiet, almost like a far off echo. Chris couldn't concentrate on anything else. He wasn't really sure what he was saying. All he was doing was trying to keep his eyes open. And it was taking all of his energy just to do that. But Chris did not stop looking at Swarek.

"We're almost there!" Swarek said quickly. He was still holding onto Chris's stomach, and the paramedic was applying pressure as well with some gauze. There was an IV running into Chris's arm, and a tight piece of gauze was wrapped around his leg, but the paramedic seemed more concerned with his stomach wound, as did Sam. Sam refused to look at Chris's leg, although he wanted to. If Chris couldn't look away, then neither could he. But he continued to think about Chris's leg for a few more seconds, before focusing back on his stomach wound.

We're going to take you out now!" The paramedic said quickly as he threw the doors to the ambulance open. He jumped down, pulling the stretcher with him, and Sam helped. One hand on Chris's stomach, one hand on the stretcher, Sam started to help push Chris into the hospital. The other paramedic came from the driver's seat and grabbed the stretcher as well, applying pressure to Chris's stomach just like Sam did.

"Sir, you need to let go! We've got him. Let go!" The paramedic shouted. Sam looked at him quickly. He didn't want to let go. As long as he was touching him, helping him, he was at least in a little bit of control. He knew at least he was trying, and he was doing something to help. Once he let go, he wouldn't be able to do anything. He wouldn't be helping, and he didn't do good in those situations. He had to help Chris.

"Officer!" The paramedic shouted again. Swarek looked at Chris who was still looking back at him. His eyes were almost shut, but Swarek could still see he was trying to look at him, and he could tell that he was going to continue to try as long as he was there. He had to stay.

Swarek removed his hand from Chris's stomach quickly. He didn't want to be in the way of the professionals, they knew what they were doing, and they had to do it, he wasn't sure. But he didn't walk away. He grabbed Chris's hand. "Still looking at me? Still look at me!" Swarek turned to the paramedics. "I'm coming with you"

The three men helped push Chris into the hospital quickly, and Sam continued to look at Chris. It hurt him to look at him, but he refused to look away. He liked Chris, a lot. Maybe he even loved him, but he didn't know. Swarek wasn't good at stuff like that. But he did feel a certain tug in his heart, a certain pain that he knew was there for a reason.

"Twenty-four year old male, two gunshot wounds, one to the stomach, it's pretty bad, the other to the left leg. His name's Chris Diaz. He's a cop" The paramedics told the doctors as they came to meet them as they continued to jog down the hallway pushing the stretcher.

Sam looked at the doctors quickly and then back at Chris. He looked at his stomach wound, and then at his leg. _I can't feel it_ Sam remembered Chris saying. Not that he had forgotten it. It had worried him then, almost made him sick. But he had to tell them.

"He told me he couldn't feel his leg" Sam said quickly. One of the doctors, who Sam assumed to be the lead, looked at him quickly before looking at Chris's stomach wound. The doctor appeared to have noticed the wound in the middle of his stomach. He nodded quickly.

"Is it a through and through?" The doctor asked Sam quickly. He didn't know. He hadn't seen his back. Was it because he didn't want to look? Or because he hadn't had the chance? He didn't want to be moving Chris around. But he also wasn't sure if he wanted to see Chris's back. It might confirm what he was afraid of. But he hoped that he wasn't too afraid, he hoped that wasn't the reason.

"I, I don't know. I don't know. Yea, I think so" Sam said quickly. The doctor nodded.

"It's alright we'll figure it out." They continued to jog pushing Chris down the hallway until they reached the emergency surgery room.

"You have to wait here. Officer, I'm sorry" The doctor said. Swarek shook his head. He gripped Chris's hand tighter and gave it a squeeze. Chris was still looking at him. It broke his heart, the kid hadn't let him down. Swarek gave him a smile, and with the hand he wasn't holding Chris's with, he rubbed his hand over Chris's forehead and through his hair quickly. "You did good, kid. Stay strong. Alright. You're strong. You can do this."

Chris continued to watch Swarek as they pushed him into the room. Sam pursed his lips together tightly and felt a hard lump in his throat. He gulped hard. "You're okay" Sam said and he could notice his voice wavering. He pursed his lips even tighter and swallowed hard again. "You're okay Chris!" Swarek shouted, and then the doctors had pushed Chris through the doors into the emergency surgery room, and Swarek couldn't see him anymore. But he continued to look. He couldn't look away. His rookie. His rookie had been shot.

It was a few minutes later when Sam felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around slowly and saw Oliver standing there. Sam turned to look at him and nodded. Oliver kept his hand on Sam's shoulder, and the two faced each other.

"Did they say anything?" Oliver asked quietly. Sam shook his head. He didn't say anything. He knew that if he tried to open his mouth he might start crying, the barrier he was trying to build up might break, and he didn't want that to happen.

"He'll be okay." Oliver said with a nod. "He'll be fine" Sam could hear the uncertainty in his voice but tried to ignore it. He looked at Oliver's hand on his shoulder and saw that it was covered in blood. He looked to Oliver's shirt and saw that that was covered in red smears too. And he looked to his face and noticed some smears that Oliver may have tried to wipe off. Then Sam realized that he probably had blood all over him too. He looked down at his hands quickly. Holding them palm up and then turning them over. They were covered in blood, and his arms were covered in blood as well up to his elbows, red smears on his upper arms. Sam looked at them for a while, and then looked down at his shirt. He held it out for him to see more and stared at it for a few seconds. It was covered in blood, more so than Oliver's. His once white t-shirt was now a dark red, The only traces of white were on his sleeves, but even those had red blood smears all over them too. Sam slowly looked back to Oliver. "He lost a lot of blood."

Oliver nodded sadly. "He'll be fine" Sam wondered if that was the only thing Oliver could say for fear of breaking into tears as well. The two looked at each other and shared a look, and they both understood. He had lost a lot of blood.

"Where's Traci?" Sam asked quietly. He looked around for her but didn't see her, and Oliver gestured and nodded toward where he had just walked from.

"She's waiting for the other officers. I had her drop me off here first, and then bring the gunman to the station. I figured you could use a friend." Oliver said quietly.

Sam nodded. "Thank you" He looked back at Oliver and Oliver looked at Sam, followed his eyes to the doors of the surgery room that Sam was looking at, and sighed, "That where they brought him?"

Sam nodded again. "Yea, about ten minutes ago"

Oliver put his hand on Sam's other shoulder, so that both of his hands were on Sam's shoulders. Sam was still looking at the doors of the surgery room.

"Look at me, Sam" Oliver said quietly. All Sam could think of was when he kept telling Chris the same thing. _'Look at me Chris. Don't stop looking at me!'_ Sam looked up slowly with his head, but his eyes were still looking at the surgery room doors.

"Look at me" Oliver repeated, and Sam looked at him slowly.

"You did everything that you could, okay. The doctors are going to do everything that they can. It's probably going to take a while, why don't we go sit down." Oliver said.

Sam nodded slowly. "Okay" He didn't want to walk away from his view of the surgery room doors, but he knew that Oliver was right. It could be hours before they knew anything.

Sam looked back at the surgery room doors again as they started to walk away, and Oliver placed an arm around his shoulders. "He'll be alright"

"What if he's not?" Sam asked quietly.

Oliver paused for a long time. Sam could tell he was swallowing hard. Oliver's lips were pursed just as Sam's had been earlier, and he guessed it was because he was trying to hold in emotion too. "He'll be alright" Oliver said again. Sam nodded. He couldn't do anything else.

The two officers had been sitting in some chairs in a waiting room for about ten minutes or so when they heard some more people coming toward him.

"Where is he? Where's Chris?" Dov was running toward them. Sam and Oliver both stood up quickly and just in time for them to stop him with their arms.

"Dov, calm down." Oliver said quickly as Dov tried to get past them. Sam and Oliver were holding Dov back though.

"No! I will not calm down. Where is he? Where's Chris! Is he alright? Where is he?" Dov yelled again.

"He's in emergency surgery" Sam said quickly. "We can't see him yet. We don't know anything yet. Dov, just try to calm down." Sam said. He watched the man in front of him shaking his head quickly from side to side. Dov grasped his hair with both of his hands and walked around in a circle. He caught sight of Sam's shirt and followed it upward with his eyes to look at Sam's face. He then looked to Oliver's shirt, and his arms, and then back to Sam whose arms and shirt looked even worse than Oliver's.

"Is that . . .Is . . .That's . . .is that Chris's blood?" Dov asked, the color in his face draining. He was standing more still than either Sam or Oliver had ever seen him in their lives, and his face was equally as serious. Sam swallowed hard. He nodded.

"Yea, it is" Sam said quickly.

"Well . . .well what happened! Who shot him? Where'd he get hit? Was he conscious? How'd this happen?" Dov yelled loudly, and the tone he was using made Swarek think he was accusing him of something. It was almost as if he was blaming him, and Dov's eyes staring at Swarek, fuming, seemed to support Sam's thought. And Sam didn't even blame him for thinking so.

"He was shot twice" Sam said after a few seconds. "Once in the stomach, and once in the leg. The stomach wound was pretty serious." Sam swallowed hard. "The leg wound wasn't as bad." Sam kept thinking back to Chris lying on the floor in his own blood. His eyes looking directly into Swarek's. 'I can't feel it. I can't feel my leg', Sam thought about Chris trying to sit up and how he had spit out blood. He closed his eyes tightly for a few seconds before opening them back up.

"Well how'd this happen?" Dov asked quickly. "Everyone else is fine?" Dov asked.

"Yea, we're all fine." Oliver said quickly. "Diaz saw the second gunman first, saw him raising his gun before any of the rest of us. He ordered him to drop it, but he didn't. The guy fired and Chris took the bullets." Oliver swallowed hard. Dov ran his hands through his hair again quickly.

"There were four of you, and no one else saw this guy? _No_ one else thought to clear the place? You were_ all_ pointing your guns at this one guy?" Dov asked angrily. "Maybe if one of you'd cleared the place, looked for a second gunman, Chris wouldn't have been shot!" Dov said angrily. He started walking around again, throwing his hands in the air, and yelling.

Oliver opened his mouth to contest, but then closed it quickly. Sam didn't even try. He didn't even want to. Because he knew it was the truth. There were four of them. They were all focused on the one guy. They should have spread out. They should have looked for more suspects. They should have been paying attention. They should have prevented this. _He _should have prevented it.

Traci turned the corner, walking with Jerry, Andy, and Gail. They all jogged over and started talking at the same time. "Where is he? Is he alright?" Traci spat.

Dov was quiet, walking around in a circle, and Oliver looked up at them quickly. Sam looked up at them too and sighed. "He's in surgery. We don't know anything yet."

"What happened?" Jerry asked quickly. "Traci said two gunshot wounds. One to the stomach, one to the leg. You were with him in the ambulance?" Jerry looked at Sam.

Sam nodded slowly and looked to all the faces looking at him for some sort of news. Oliver looked desperate, Dov was angry but scared, Traci looked frightened, McNally eager, Gail full of fear, Jerry worried. They were all looking at him and he didn't know what to tell them.

"He was conscious in the ambulance. And he was conscious when we got here." Sam said quietly.

McNally nodded. "So that's good right?"

"He was talking before the paramedics got there." Traci said quickly. "He smiled at me. He must have understood how scared I was" Traci gave a sad smile.

"So he was aware?" Jerry asked. He looked from Sam to Oliver to Traci.

"Yea, he was." Oliver said quickly.

"And the doctors haven't told you anything yet?" Gail asked quickly. Sam shook his head.

"No. He's been in surgery for about a half an hour." Sam said quietly. Jerry nodded and Traci wiped a tear out of her eye. Sam looked at her.

"I'm sorry, it's just" Traci pursed her lips together and shook her head, "it's just seeing him like that, all bloody and in pain, and even so, he tried to make me feel better."

"He's a good kid. A great guy" Oliver said with a smile. Sam nodded. He looked down at his shirt again and started looking at his hands and arms. Jerry looked from Sam to Oliver and then to Traci.

"I've got a few extra t-shirts in my car" Jerry said quietly. He didn't really want to acknowledge the fact that Sam and Oliver's shirts were covered in Chris's blood, and he didn't think anyone else did either, but he felt that maybe Sam and Oliver would feel at least a little better in some different clothes, that didn't have Chris's blood on them.

Everyone turned and looked at Sam and Oliver's shirts even though a few of them had already, and they had all studied them when they got there and then quickly looked away after several minutes of staring.

"No. I'm alright." Sam said sternly. Oliver shook his head. Neither one of them wanted to leave.

"I can go get them, really" Jerry said quickly. He had picked up on their reasons. "I think we're probably going to need them for evidence anyways" Jerry said, trying to convince them to change clothes.

"I don't really care about the evidence, Jerry. We know who shot him. We killed him. It's not really a priority for me to put on a different shirt." Sam said quickly. Jerry nodded.

"Okay, maybe later" Jerry said.

"So what actually happened?" Dov asked, his voice was calmer than it had been, but the anger and hurt were still noticeable.

Oliver sighed. "We got a call out. Sam and Traci went around the front, Chris and I went around back. Robbery, suspect was assumed to be armed. I went in first. Told the suspect to put the gun down. But he didn't listen. Chris followed me in. He pointed his gun at the suspect too. Sam and Traci came in from the front, and snuck up behind him. Sam grabbed his hands and started to cuff him. Then I heard Chris yell for someone to put their gun down. I turned and there was another gunman. He didn't listen either. He pointed the gun at us. Chris got in front. The guy fired and hit him in the stomach. Then Traci and I fired four shots between us. Sam turned and shot him four more times. The guy fired once more as he fell and hit Chris in the leg."

Dov sighed. "Sounds pretty rough"

Traci nodded. "It was. It all happened so fast. It felt like all the shots were happening at once. But Chris tried to protect us."

"Of course he did" Sam said quietly.

Jerry looked at Sam who appeared to be deep in thought. Probably considered what he could have done differently. Blaming it all on himself, taking all the responsibility. He was hard on himself, Jerry knew that, and he didn't want Sam to feel like it was his fault that Chris was shot.

"Can I get you guys some coffee? We'll probably be waiting a while." Jerry said, and he looked at Oliver who was starring at the floor. Jerry sighed. Oliver was probably thinking the same things.

Sam shook his head. "No. I'm good."

Oliver shook his head as well. "No thanks."

Jerry sighed and looked from Traci to McNally. They both gestured for him to let it go, so he did. Traci sat down next to Oliver and she placed her hand on his shoulder.

"You guys did everything that you could. You were great. I froze up. But you guys were great." Traci tried to smile a little, and she managed to give them a small one. Oliver patted her hand that was on his shoulder.

"Thanks, Traci. You got the guy back to the station alright?" Oliver asked.

"Yea, it was fine. Wanted to smash his face into the wall, but I didn't. I did shove him pretty hard into the station though. Although I really want to punch him in the face." Traci said quickly.

"I second that" Oliver said quickly.

The officers were quiet for a few minutes before they started talking to each other again. They were all thinking and concentrating on their own thoughts, staring. After a few minutes Dov sighed loudly.

"I'm going to go see if I can find someone who knows what's going on, and if anyone can tell me anything about the surgery." Dov said quickly. He stood up out of his chair and started to walk away.

"I'll come with you" McNally said as she got up to follow him and Gail did as well.

"Me too" Gail said quickly.

Sam, Oliver, Jerry, and Traci sat quietly. Sam was staring at his shirt. He could not stop thinking about all the blood. He could feel his hands pressed against Chris's warm stomach, blood oozing out of the wound and onto his hands. He heard the gunshots. Felt his finger on the trigger. Heard himself telling Chris that he'd be okay, and yelling at him to continue looking at him.

_**Why didn't I turn around sooner? Why didn't I look for a second shooter? Why had the idiot fired? He knew he was going to be killed, there were four cops there. Why had he fired? Why did he have to shoot? Why couldn't he have just put the gun down. Why hadn't I done something?**_ Sam asked himself.

Oliver looked at Sam quickly and they shared a look. They both knew this was serious. Chris had lost a lot of blood. They had both tried, so hard. They were both rethinking everything that had happened. They both understood what the other was going through, because he was going through it himself. Oliver offered a sad smile, and Sam nodded at him with a sad smile as well.

Jerry looked quickly at them, and then stood up. "I'm going to go get you guys some coffee. You can wait here if you want. Traci, you want to come?" Jerry asked. Traci nodded and stood up.

"We'll be right back" Traci said quickly. Jerry and Traci walked down the hallway and around the corner. Sam and Oliver were still quiet.

"You really think he'll be okay?" Sam asked after a few minutes of sitting in quiet with Oliver. Oliver shrugged slowly.

"I think he'll be alright" Oliver said quietly. Sam sighed.

"I know you keep saying that." Sam said and Oliver looked at him, "But do you really think he will be?"

Oliver was quiet for a few seconds. "I have to."

Sam nodded. "Me too"

"You . . .you . . . you were really good today, Sammy. Really good. You got the kid to calm down. You got him to look at you."

Sam was quiet for a few more seconds and he looked around the room. He thought back to how he had been helping Chris. "I yelled at him"

Oliver smiled a little. "That's just what the kid needed. You know how he likes the rules. He knows you were only doing it to help him. Don't be too hard on yourself."

"Yea" Sam huffed out in a forced sarcastic laugh, "I'm not sure I know how to do that"

"Well, I'm certainly not one to give you advice in that area" Oliver said with a little smile.

The officers watched as Dov, McNally, and Gail all walked back over to them. The frustration was written all over Dov's face.

"Find out anything?" Oliver asked, although from the way Dov was fuming, he doubted it.

"No! Nothing" Dov said angrily. "They won't release any information to people who aren't family.

"But we are family" Oliver said quickly.

"That's what I tried to tell them" McNally said quickly. "They said that they could only release information to his family. They're trying to contact them now."

Sam was frustrated. He was angry. Both at himself, and at the doctors. He was confused. Hurt. Pained. Fearful. Desperate. Eager. Willing to do anything. Sam looked at Dov, McNally, Gail, and Oliver and nodded. Sam stood up quickly and started to walk away.

"Where are you going?" Oliver asked quickly.

Sam turned around. "To find out some information."

"We already tried that . . ." Dov started, but Oliver gestured for him to stop, so he did. Sam continued to walk down the hallway. He was staring at the ground. Sam was going over everything in his head. The way the gunshots sounded as they pierced the air, shells bouncing on the linoleum floors. The way Chris sounded when he thudded to the floor. The look on Chris's face when he tried to sit up and see his wounds. The look on Chris's face when he saw that his hands were covered in blood, the look when Chris realized how bad his stomach wound was, and the look on Chris's face when he told Sam that he could not feel his leg. The way it sounded, his voice drenched in worry and coated in anxiety. The way his own voice sounded, ordering Chris to continue looking at him, the way it was wavering with emotion, almost breaking, and how he had to fight hard to hold back the tears from falling down his cheek, and the emotion from taking over his voice. The way that Chris had looked at him. And continued to look at him. And did not stop looking at him.

Sam reached the desk that he assumed he could get some information from and looked at the woman behind it quickly. "Could you please tell me anything you know about the condition or surgery of Chris Diaz. He's the cop."

The woman looked at him and Sam could tell that she felt bad. Sam continued to think about Chris. _**He's my rookie. He's my friend. He's my . . .**_

"I'm sorry, sir, but I can't release any information to anyone who isn't family. It's a policy."

Sam looked at her quickly and nodded. "He's my brother"

_**I hope you guys liked this chapter! Please review and let me know why you think? Do you think the characters acted, well, in character? Let me know what you think, and any predictions you may have. I like to hear them! Thanks guys, please continue to read and review! **_


	3. Finding Out

_**Thanks to everyone who reviewed so far! Sorry I haven't updated in a while. After I watched the episode the other night I had some motivation to keep writing it. So, so sad. I hope you guys like this chapter! Please continue to read and let me know what you think!**_

"He's your brother?" The receptionist woman asked him, and Sam noticed the skeptical tone in her voice. He could also tell that she felt bad, and that she did want to help.

Sam nodded. "Yes, he is" It wasn't a complete lie. They were brothers, just not biologically. But that didn't matter.

The woman scrunched her face and looked at Sam hard. He knew that she knew they were not biologically related. He just hoped that she understood his desperation, understood that they were family even if they weren't biologically related, and would help him. She closed her eyes tightly quickly for a second before opening them again, she sighed slowly. And then she nodded, and Sam knew she was going to help him.

"Okay" The woman said. "Your brothers"

"Thank you" Sam said softly. His voice was quiet and he did not feel like he even really knew how to make it louder. The woman nodded.

"Chris Diaz is in surgery right now. The gunshot wound to his stomach went through a few of his organs, and has caused a lot of internal bleeding. They need to get that under control, and he's losing blood fast. They haven't been able to stop it yet. "

"Does he need blood? Does he need a blood transplant? I can donate. I have a room full of officers that are willing to donate. I know they are. We can help." Sam said quickly.

The woman shook her head. "They aren't going to give him any blood transplants until they can get the bleeding under control. He may not even need it."

"What do you mean? What do you mean." Sam said quickly. He thought he knew what she was trying to say but he needed to hear her say it.

"Sir, your friend, your brother," The woman hesitated for a few seconds, "Chris Diaz might not make it out of surgery" The woman sighed.

Sam felt sick again. He shook his head frantically. "No, no, he'll be okay. He'll be alright." His voice was scaring him. It was desperate, wavering, about to break. It was scary.

"I'm just trying to prepare you, sir. It's not, it's not good. The surgery is still going on, but they aren't sure" The woman shook her head.

Sam stared at the desk for a few seconds. No. This couldn't be happening. No. Chris would be okay. He had to be okay. His head was spinning around and he felt like he was going to be sick. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to scream. But instead he looked back at the woman.

"What else can you tell me?" Sam asked. The desperation in his voice noticeable, despite how quiet he was.

"The gunshot wound to the stomach was worse than the wound to his leg. It was a through and through and it went through his back." The woman hesitated for a few seconds and looked at Sam.

Sam nodded. "Go on" He could tell there was something else she was going to say. He was scared, but he wanted her to tell him. He wanted to know.

"The bullet pierced his spine. The doctors aren't sure what the effects will be yet. But I should tell you that they could be pretty extreme. They might be, I just want to let you know" The woman said slowly.

Sam was breathing short and heavy. He felt like he was going to fall over. The bullet pierced his spine. He remembered what Chris had said about his leg. 'I can't feel it. It doesn't hurt.' Sam had been worried then, he had thought maybe, maybe the bullet had hit his back, but now he knew, and it worried him more, it was almost like a punch to the stomach, and he wanted to throw up.

"Like what? Paralysis?" Sam asked softly. "He told me he couldn't feel his leg" Sam said quietly. The woman looked at him quickly and sadly. Sam knew that look, it was an apologetic, pitying look. She felt bad. She knew what that meant. If he couldn't feel his leg. The bullet had hit his spine. She knew what the effects could be.

The woman nodded. "Yes, paralysis is possible."

"How possible? What are the odds?" Sam asked, his voice forceful. He was surprised at how forceful it was.

"I can't give you a number" the woman started to say, but then she looked at Sam's face, recognized the desperation, the forceful tone in his voice. "Given that the bullet pierced his spine, and you said that he couldn't feel his leg, I'd say there is about an 80% chance of paralysis. But we don't know what extent it will be. It may be permanent it may not. We aren't sure how much of his body will be affected either."

Sam closed his eyes tightly. That's all he could do. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. All he did was close his eyes at the unjustness of it all. He opened them a second later. Paralyzed. Chris could be paralyzed. Sam nodded slowly.

"Thank you" Sam said to the woman. "Is there anything else you can tell me?"

The woman shook her head. "Not right now, no. I don't know anything else."

Sam started to walk away. "Thank you so much. I appreciate it."

The woman nodded. "I'm sorry"

"So am I" Sam said under his breath. He started to walk away back toward where his friends were sitting. The woman stopped him quickly.

"Ugh, sir." The woman said. She looked around the hall as if making sure that nobody was listening.

Sam walked back toward her. "Yes"

"If you, ugh, want to leave me your number, I can call you when I know something" The woman said and she looked around again to make sure that nobody was listening.

Sam nodded. He knew that this woman could get in trouble for doing this, and that she didn't even have to. But she was doing it anyway, just to try. And he knew she wanted to try to make them all feel better, and she knew that this might help even just a little bit.

Sam gave her his number. "Thank you so much"

The woman nodded. "I hope he's okay, your friend."

"Me too" Sam said, and then he walked back to the waiting room.

Oliver saw Sam first. He started to walk over to him. "What did you find out?" Oliver asked quickly. Everyone else turned around and noticed that Sam was back as well, and they all focused on him. Sam noticed that Traci and Jerry were back, and there were two clean t-shirts on the chair next to Jerry.

Sam walked toward them all more, and they all got up out of their chairs. Oliver placed his hand on Sam's shoulder, Dov was standing incredibly close to him. Traci and Jerry were looking at him desperately. Andy and Gail were watching eagerly.

"Well I ugh, she told me that he's still in surgery and that it, ugh, it," Sam looked around , and for a second thought maybe he would spare them the news that the woman just told him, but then he knew that they all wanted to know as badly as he did. He sighed. "The surgery isn't going that well. They still haven't been able to stop the bleeding, and he's lost a lot of blood. They aren't going to give him a blood transplant until they can stop the bleeding. If they can stop it" Sam said softly.

Everyone was quiet for a few seconds. Nobody wanted to speak. Oliver patted Sam on the shoulder. Traci gave him a slight nod. "He might not make it out of surgery" Sam said.

Everyone lost it. The barriers they were all trying to build up broke. They crumbled. Those words, they knew they were coming, they knew it was a possibility, but hearing them, made the barriers they built up crumble. Traci started to cry, she gave a quick, shriek, a loud, penetrating shriek, and then she fell to the floor. Sank down, and sat there crying. She brought her hands up to her face and cried into them.

Jerry followed her to the ground, holding her close to him. He helped her sit, prevented her from simply falling. But he too sat there, Traci pressed against him. His arms wrapped around her. He looked like he was going to throw up. He looked like he was going to cry. Sam didn't know if he would ever be able to get that look, of his friend, out of his head. Sam wanted to throw up too. He wanted to cry too.

Dov whipped around and punched the wall. He yelled out and then pressed himself against the wall, sliding down it slowly until he too was sitting on the ground. He stared at the wall across from him for several seconds before bringing his hands up to his face as well. His shoulders were shaking. Sam felt like he was going to cry. He looked away.

Gail was crying. She hadn't bothered to bring her hands up to her face, she was just crying. She had managed to sit back down into a chair, and she sat there curled up and crying. Sam could see her shaking and crying as well, and he looked away.

Andy was crying too. She had tears running down her face and had also sat down, she was next to Dov, and she wrapped her arms around him. He wrapped his around her, and they sat there and cried together. Andy had tears running down her face, Dov was shaking, but Sam knew that he was crying. He didn't blame him.

Oliver was still standing next to Sam. His hand was on Sam's shoulder. He gripped it tightly before sniffing as well. He placed his other hand on his own forehead, shaking his head, looking as if he was about to cry. He ran his hand through his hair, clenching it tightly, clenching it and pulling it slightly. Then he let go, he turned to Sam and hugged him tightly, without even looking at his face. He just hugged him quickly.

Sam breathed in quickly. He gasped. He breathed back out quickly. He gasped again. He gasped again. He hugged Oliver tightly. But he couldn't cry. Not yet. He still had more to tell them. He leaned in next to Oliver's ear. "That's not it"

Oliver nodded. He pressed Sam against him tightly. He had been there too. Oliver had been there too. He had seen Chris. He had heard him say 'I can't feel it. It doesn't hurt'. He knew too. "I know" Oliver said quietly.

Oliver let go of Sam slowly, looked at him and nodded. Sam knew he understood. Sam cleared his throat and looked at everyone. The tears had become sniffles and watery eyes. Traci and Jerry still sat hugging one another on the floor. Andy and Dov we still sitting side by side, Gail was still curled up in the chair. Oliver was still standing next to Sam. Oliver placed his hand on Sam's shoulder.

"Guys, that's ugh, that's not all. The bullet went through Chris's back. It pierced his spine." Sam said slowly. He heard some more groans and sniffles. But he had to keep going, he had to let it out. "So if he does make it out of surgery there's about an eighty percent chance that he will have at least some paralysis, they don't know how much yet, or what parts of his body will be affected. They don't know if it'll be permanent or not either." Sam said slowly.

Everyone was quiet for a few seconds again, and they were all just looking at Sam. He hated making them feel like this. He didn't want to make them like this. But he wanted to tell them. He thought they would want to know.

Oliver patted Sam's shoulder again. Sam knew that Oliver understood. Oliver understood how hard it was for Sam to do things like this and deal with his emotions. Sam wasn't a very emotional person. And he didn't always know how to deal with his emotions. And people didn't expect him to show them, so sometimes when he needed to, he felt like he couldn't, because it was what people were expecting of him. They were expecting him not to show emotion, they were expecting him to be strong and hold it all in. But sometimes he felt like he couldn't. Sam knew Jerry understood too, and they caught eyes. Jerry nodded at Sam, telling him it was alright, and Sam nodded back.

Traci shook her head. More tears were falling down her cheeks. Andy was starting to tear up again as well. Dov was staring at the wall across from him. Oliver patted Sam on the shoulder.

They continued to sit there quietly for a few more minutes until Sam finally cleared his throat. "I left my number with the woman at the desk. She said she's call me if she knew anything else"

Oliver nodded. Everyone was still tearing up, sniffling, talking to one another. Sam stood next to Oliver for a while. He was still trying to think about it himself. He still wasn't sure he had completely let himself hear and think about it yet. He was concentrated on telling it all to his friends. He hadn't really thought about it himself. But Chris was in surgery. Chris might not make it out of surgery. If he did, Chris had an eighty percent chance of being paralyzed in at least some way, maybe permanently, maybe not, maybe more of his body, maybe some parts. Sam could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. The quickness of his breathing becoming more and more fast. The sweat on his hands. The way his stomach felt like he was going to throw up. The tears welled in his eyes, weighing on the brim. One fell. But then he felt something else.

He felt something else in his pocket. His phone was vibrating, and it was the nurse.

_**Tell me what you think so far! Thanks please continue to read and review!**_


	4. Blood Donors and Statements

_**Thanks for the reviews so far! Sorry, I just realized that I updated the last chapter as a chapter that I had already uploaded. I put the wrong file, but I fixed it now. Thanks for reading, please let me know what you guys think so far! Please continue to read! Please read and review! I hope you guys like it so far!**_

Sam had already started running toward the desk before he answered his phone. He didn't bother with the usual "Swarek". He knew it was the nurse.

"Hello. Is he alright?" Sam asked quickly as he ran toward the desk. Oliver had followed him, giving eyes to everyone else, telling them he'd let them know. A few seconds later, Sam was looking at the woman at the desk, phone still up to his ear.

The woman looked from Sam to Oliver and then back to Sam. She noticed the desperation in his eyes. She couldn't speak fast enough, so she started nodding up and down quickly. "He's out of surgery. For now. They were able to stop the bleeding. He is still in critical condition though"

Sam breathed out heavily. He sighed out in relief, and half smiled at Oliver. Oliver half smiled back. Chris had made it out of surgery. He had made it out of surgery, and even though he was still in critical condition, he was out of surgery. Sam nodded.

"I understand. What about blood? Does he need blood?" Sam asked quickly. He knew the lady would remember from a few minutes ago that he was willing to give blood.

The woman nodded. "That's actually the reason I called you, yes. But he had a rare blood type. Chris needs blood type O. It's the only kind he can receive. Are either of you O?"

Sam shook his head. No. He wasn't. He couldn't even help him. "I'm B" Sam said looking at Oliver hopefully. He hoped his friend would be able to help. Oliver shook his head as well. "I'm A"

The woman shook her head. "You said you had a room full of officers?"

"And more at the station" Oliver said quickly. He looked to Sam. He knew that any of the officers would be willing to donate if they were a match. Sam nodded.

"Well, I suggest you ask them. Chris Diaz needs blood. Our blood supply is low on O. And that is the only kind that Chris can receive. He needs it quickly." The woman said, giving Sam an urging, desperate look. She didn't say it, but Sam knew what she meant. And so did Oliver. "Chris Diaz needs blood" meant that if Chris didn't get blood soon, he would die.

Sam nodded. "I'll be right back" Sam started running back to where the other officers were. Oliver followed him. When he reached the room he gave everyone a look. He knew they were anticipating the news. He nodded his head. "Chris is alive"

He could hear everyone sigh out. "But he needs blood, quickly. He's type O. He can only receive type O blood, and apparently the hospital is low in it. I can't donate, I'm type B. Oliver's type A. We need someone to donate. Is anyone type O?" Sam looked around the room.

Dov started to talk, and Sam whipped his head toward him. "It has to be type O?"

Sam nodded quickly. "Are you?"

Dov shook his head. "No" he said quietly. "I'm B"

Sam looked around the room, feeling defeated. He looked from Traci to Andy to Gail. He looked at Dov quickly. "Where's Jerry?"

Dov was quiet. "He went to go get Sergeant Best, downstairs." Sam could hear the helplessness in his voice. And he understood. He felt the same way. Sam sighed.

Two more people. Two more people he could ask before he had to call the station. He didn't care what it took. He needed to find a blood donor for Chris. And he was going to.

Sam ran his hands through his hair quickly. "This way?" He asked quickly, and he started moving quickly toward the stairs. A second later, Jerry and Frank came through the door way, and Sam almost bumped into them.

"Swarek" Best said. "How's Diaz?"

"He needs blood. He's out of surgery, but he needs blood. Quickly. Type O? I can't donate, I'm –"

"I'm type O" Jerry said quickly. "He needs O? I'll do it."

Sam looked to Jerry and smiled as much as he could. "Really?" Sam gripped his shoulder.

Jerry nodded. "Come with me" Sam said quickly, and the two were running back toward the desk before anyone could say anything else.

"The hospital is low in it's type O store, and they need someone to donate. He needs blood quickly, or, or" Sam looked to Jerry quickly, and he knew he understood. Jerry nodded. Sam brought him to the lady and started talking quickly.

"He's type O, said he'd donate." Sam said quickly.

"Sir" The woman said quickly, and she noticed the badge that was on Jerry's belt. "It's very nice of you to help your friend"

"Of course, what do I need to do?" Jerry asked quickly. The woman gestured for Jerry to follow her and he did. Sam watched as Jerry walked into a room with a doctor, and then he waited for the woman to come back.

"What's going on? How long will it take?" Sam asked quickly.

The woman looked at Sam and smiled. "Just a few minutes. Then we can get it to your friend." She sat back down at the desk.

"You did good, sir" The nurse said with a smile.

"Sam. My name's Sam. Sam Swarek. And thank you. I was just doing what I had to. I just wish I could have donated myself."

"Well, Mr.-, ugh, Officer Swarek, you found someone who could. That's pretty good too." The nurse said.

"What's your friend's name?" The nurse asked. "The one whose donating ?"

"Jerry" Sam said quickly. "Jerry Barber. He's a detective at our station"

"He's a good guy" The nurse said with a smile.

"Yea," Sam said. "He is. Just don't let him hear you say that." Sam half smiled. He had to at least try with some kind of humor. It was the only way he ever felt okay in some situations. It was sometimes the only way he knew how to deal with the stress. The nurse smiled.

"So I take it you're close?" The nurse asked. Sam didn't know if she was actually genuinely interested in how close of friends he and Jerry were, or if she was just trying to distract him from what was going on with Chris. If it was the latter, it was working pretty well. Or at least, as much as it could be. Sam was still thinking about Chris nonstop, but this conversation provided a little bit of distraction.

"Yea, we are. We're best friends." Sam said, looking down a few doors and watching Jerry through the door talk to the doctor, who was placing a cuff on his arm.

"I can tell" The nurse said quickly.

Sam looked back at her. He smiled as much as he could, and then looked back to the room Jerry was in, with the cuff on his arm, and the doctor talking to him. Sam looked back at the woman.

"After Chris gets this blood, do you think he'll be okay?" Sam asked, his voice deep, but quiet.

The nurse started to shake her head, but then stopped. "I'm not sure. He lost a lot of blood. The transplant will help, but it's still not certain whether he'll be okay."

Sam looked at the woman. He tried to explain to her through his look, that he needed a more straight forward answer. From the look that she gave back and the shake of her head before she started to talk again, Sam knew that she understood.

"I really don't know" The nurse said, her voice was apologetic.

Sam nodded. "Please, just tell me. I know what sugarcoating sounds like. I do it all the time. Please, just one professional to another. Do you think he'll be okay?" Sam was nervous, he didn't know if he really did want to hear what the nurse thought or not. But he waited anxiously, and the nurse shook her head.

"I really" The nurse started, but then a few seconds later Jerry came walking out of the room with the doctor and started talking to Sam. The nurse couldn't finish what she was going to say, but Sam kept looking at her for a few seconds, and she continued to look at him for a few seconds. Then, she quickly looked away. Sam knew what that meant.

"Hey, they said they're going to give the blood to Diaz soon. They said it should help" Jerry said, grabbing onto Sam's shoulder.

"You did a good thing, Mr. Barber. Are you dizzy?" The nurse asked him, she looked at Sam quickly, but then looked away quickly.

"I'm okay." Jerry said, and he almost tripped walking away from Sam. Sam grabbed his shoulder. Jerry almost smiled, and so did Sam. "Maybe a little"

"Here" The nurse said, handing Jerry a box of juice. "Drink this. It'll get your blood sugar up" Jerry took the box, thanked the woman, and looked to Sam.

"When will we know if the blood transplant is helping?" Sam asked quickly. The nurse nodded.

"We should know soon if it is helping. We won't know anything definite for a while, but we should know if it is helping. It might help him become in less critical condition, more stable. It should help him." The nurse said quickly. She nodded and so did Sam.

"I can call you when I hear anything" The nurse said quickly, she looked to Sam quickly.

"That would be great thank you" Sam said and he started to walk to where all the other officers were.

"Yes, that would be great, thank you" Jerry nodded, and walked to where the other officers were as well. Everyone jumped up when they saw Sam and Jerry walk into the room, and some started talking all at once.

"They should know if it's helping in a little while." Jerry said quickly. "The nurse said she'll call Sam if she hears anything"

"Good. That's good." Best said quickly. "And until then, I think it'd be a good idea if some of you got some rest. We could be hear a while."

"None of us are going to leave" Dov said quickly. "I don't think any of us are going to be able to sleep. We all want to be here."

Best looked around the room at all of his officers and nodded. "I know you do. That's fine. The suspect is at the station. He's in a holding cell, and he's going to be charged with accomplice on the shooting of a police officer."

Everyone nodded. "I know it's probably not exactly what you want to be doing right now, but the fresher it is in your mind, the better. I'm going to need statements from Sam, Oliver, and Traci"

"Right now? You need a statement right now?" Sam asked. "I think we all know what happened, Frank. And I don't think any of us are bound to forget it anytime soon."

Best nodded. "I know. I know, but if you could just tell it to me. Or another officer, now. We need to have it on record. The guy in the holding cell is charged with a pretty serious crime, his lawyer's are going to try to get him off. If we want him to be charged, we need to have your statements."

Oliver nodded. "Fine. But any news about Chris and we stop."

Best nodded. "Sounds good to me. Thank you. I know this is hard. And I know this is not what you want to be doing."

"Let's just do it" Sam said quickly. Best nodded.

"I can take your statement, Oliver. Jerry, you want to take Sam's? Whoever's done first can take Traci's." Best said quickly.

Jerry nodded. "Sam, come on. Let's go get some coffee." Sam gave Jerry a look, and Jerry nodded. Sam looked at him and Jerry put his hands up in a surrender motion, "I promise we'll only go right downstairs."

Sam looked hesitant, but then he followed Jerry. Oliver looked to Best, and the two sat down. Best took out his notebook, and told Oliver to sit down next to him. After a few seconds, Oliver did.

"You ready? You can take your time. And anytime you want to stop just let me know. We can stop." Best said quickly.

"What do you want to know? Where do you want me to start?" Oliver said slowly.

"You know the drill." Best said casually. "Tell me everything. From the beginning."

Oliver sighed. "Okay, here it goes."

_**Okay thanks for reading! I know this chapter is kind of short, but the they should be longer in a few more chapters. I'm going to try a little bit of a different writing style for the next few chapters, let me know if you like it. Thanks! I hope you like it!**_


	5. It's Okay

_**Thanks for all the reviews so far! I'm going to try a little bit of a different style for the next few chapters! Let me know what you guys think! I hope you like it!**_

"I walked in first. Chris and I went around back, Sam and Traci went around front. I saw the gunman, he was pointing his weapon at the cashier. I told him to put the gun down." I said, and Frank looks at me intently, waiting for me to go on. He's staring at me. I feel like a suspect. Or a witness being scrutinized. I know it's procedure, but still. I take a deep breath. I don't really want to be doing this right now. I take another deep breath. Maybe that'll help. I look back at Frank, his eyes staring at me. Maybe not.

"Okay, so you told the gunman to put his gun down. Then what?" Frank asks me. Apparently he doesn't think I'm telling it fast enough. Or maybe he's just trying to help. I don't know.

"I told him we were police. I said 'Police, put the gun down now'. I told him to put his hands behind his head. But he didn't listen." I continue on. I'm trying to relive it. It feels like it happened only a few minutes ago. It feels like it happened in slow motion. But then it feels like it happened all too fast as well. I take another deep breath. I hope Frank doesn't notice how agitated I feel. But he is a police sergeant. He probably knew before we sat down. He's also my friend. He probably knew before he even asked for our statements.

Frank nods, but doesn't say anything. I take that as a sign to keep going.

"Chris walked in behind me. He was pointing his gun at the gunman too. I told the gunman to put his gun down again, and Sam and Traci walked in from the back. He still didn't listen to me, he was still pointing his gun at the cashier. So, I told him to put his gun down again. Sam and Traci were walking up behind the gunman, he didn't know they were there." I think back to the plan. Chris and I would come in the front, Sam and Traci from the back. They'd sneak up behind him. But did anyone clear the rest of the store? Did anyone look. I didn't. Not that well. I didn't even look.

"Okay, so you asked the gunman three times to put his gun down, and identified yourself as police?" Frank asked. I looked at him. Yes. That's what I did. I've been doing this job almost as long as he has, I know how to identify myself. Stupid questions. This is not what I need to be doing right now.

Frank caught on to my annoyance I think, because then he said. "I know, Oliver, I know. I know it's an annoying question, but I just have to make sure, for the record."

I just nod. Whatever. The record. Who cares about the record?

"So then what happened?" Frank asks. I sigh.

"Sam grabbed the gunman's hands from behind, put them behind his back. Then I heard Chris shout for someone else to put their gun down. I turned around and" I needed to stop. Chris got shot. I've been playing it over and over in my head since we got to the hospital, but speaking out loud, that was hard. I couldn't speak. I wanted to, but it was like my voice wouldn't let me. I looked at Frank quickly. I sighed.

"and Chris was pointing his gun at this second suspect. The guy raised his gun and pointed it at Sam. Sam was handcuffing the other guy. He didn't see the second guy. It all happened so fast. But Chris jumped in front of the gun. He knew Sam didn't see it." My voice is getting quiet. I don't like the way it sounds. Quiet and soft and wavering. I don't like it. It scares me when it does that. Because I don't really know how to make it not sound like that. I wonder if Frank notices. If he does, he doesn't say. After all, he knows that I'm trying to hide it.

"So Chris tried to prevent Sam from being shot" Frank asks. That's exactly what Chris did.

"Yes" I say. I'm not sure if I can say anything else. I'm afraid my voice might break if I keep speaking. It's already wavering.

"What happened next, Oliver? Do you want a few minutes?" Franks asks. Does he notice that my voice is about to break? Am I not hiding it well? What does it sound like to him? What does he mean?

I shake my head quickly. For a second I think taking a break might help, but then I think about having to talk about it again after taking a break, and I think that that would be harder than just telling him now. So, I think it'd be best to just get it over with now. "I'm alright" That's a lie. I'm not alright. But I will keep telling Frank what happened. He needs to know and I need to tell him before my voice breaks, I don't know how much longer I'll be able to prevent it from breaking, and it's already wavering.

"I remember Chris yelling to Sam. 'Sir'. Chris yelled 'Sir' to Sam" I can't help but smile a little and laugh. Chris called Sam sir. The kid was so polite. And of all people, Sam? He calls Sam sir? I laugh again.

"Sir?" Frank says, and I can tell he's smiling. "He called him sir?"

"Yea, he's very polite that kid" I say, laughing a little myself. But then I stop. He's only twenty four. He is just a kid. He's only a kid. Chris is only twenty four and he lay in a hospital, maybe not even going to make it. I sigh again. He's only a kid. He's only twenty four. Suddenly Chris calling Sam "Sir" isn't so funny. I rub my hands over my face, rub them over my eyes as if it will take back what I saw.

I look at Frank a few seconds later, because he still hasn't said anything. From the look on his face I know he's thinking the same thing. It's a sort of look, a look of understanding that you get from working with someone, from being friends with someone from years. He offers me a nod. And I nod back, or I think I do. I'm not sure.

"I know. I know, Oliver. But Chris will be okay. He'll be alright. I think Chris will be okay." Frank says. Frank's voice isn't wavering, no, he's had training for that. He's the sergeant, there can't be any detection in his voice. But in his eyes, that's different. I can tell he's feeling exactly how I'm feeling. Except maybe not as guilty. I am feeling extremely guilty. It's my fault. I could have done something.

I can tell from Frank's face that he knows how I'm feeling. And I know him well enough to know that he'll try to convince me it wasn't my fault. I don't want to hear that right now. I don't want him to try to make me feel better about it. I want him to understand what I'm feeling. But then I don't. I don't want to feel what I'm feeling, after all it's my fault that a rookie got shot. So, I try to convince him not to persuade me, and I give him a look.

"Frank, don't-" That's all I get out before he starts talking and cuts me off. He raises his hands and motions for me to stop. For some reason I do. I don't know why.

"Oliver, listen to me now." Frank starts and the sternness in his voice is noticeable. More noticeable than when he is reprimanding officers for screwing up. But, not as harsh. Stern, but kind.

"This was not your fault. Chris was not shot because of you. Chris was shot because of the suspect who shot him. That's whose fault this is. Not yours. You had you're weapon drawn on the other suspect. He saw another one. You couldn't have your gun on two suspects at once. Don't tell yourself this is your fault."

I shrug. I want to believe him. It seems to make sense, but no, its not. I could have done something. I could have done something else. If I had turned around a second sooner, or seen the suspect when I walked in, or cleared the rest of the room and let Chris keep his gun trained on the suspect with the cashier, then maybe I would have seen the other suspect, maybe he wouldn't have shot.

"I can't do that" I say quietly. Again, my voice is wavering, it's scary. Maybe that's why I'm talking so quietly. I don't want to hear the wavering. It's scary.

"I know that's it hard-" Frank starts to say, but I cut him off.

"No, you don't understand. I was there. I saw Chris get shot. I can't just forget about it, not think about it, not think about what I could have done differently, or could have done better. I saw him laying there on the floor, I saw him spitting up his own blood when he coughed, I saw the look on his face when he saw the blood on his hands, I heard him, I held his head on my lap while the paramedics came. I can't just not think about it Frank." Now my voice is anything but quiet. I don't know where it suddenly was able to get like this, and this is scaring me as well. I shrug, look down at the ground quickly, then back to Frank, shrugging. "I'm sorry"

"Don't apologize" Frank said. "You're entitled to be angry"

I sit there staring at my hands, the blood stains on my hands, the turn them over and notice more on the back. I can't stop looking at them. All I can think about is Chris. I can see his face looking at me, coughing, trying to ask me something. I can see him struggling trying to sit up, and the look on his face when he notices how badly he's bleeding. I can hear Chris's raspy attempts to breath and choking. I can hear Chris gasping at the sight of his own injuries and scared admitting he couldn't feel his leg.

I think about how he's only twenty four years old. How he's only a rookie. How he's so polite. How he's such a good guy. I think about how he might not make it.

Then I feel something. Something is running down my face. A tear is sliding down my cheek. First there is just one, but then there are more. I don't know how to control it. And, I don't even wipe them away. I don't really care. Then there is something touching my shoulder. I look up and see Frank's hand on my shoulder, and I look at his eyes. There's a tear there too. My shoulders start to shake. I'm crying even more. I look back to Frank. The tear in his eye is falling down his cheek too.

_**Thanks for reading, please review! Let me know what you think, please! Do you guys like it so far? How do you think things are going to happen? And, do you like the style of this chapter from Oliver's point of view? Please let me know! Thanks!**_


	6. Let It All Out

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We sat down in a small little coffee shop area inside the hospital cafeteria. Jerry had kept his promise, and I knew he would. We had only gone downstairs. I looked around at the people sitting near us. Some looked pretty happy, I guess they had just gotten some good news. Others looked how I'm sure we were looking. Sad, gloomy, helpless. I felt bad for them. I knew what it felt like. I shared their pain.

"Alright Sammy, we're just gunna talk, okay?" Jerry says. Sammy. He only calls me that when he knows I'm upset. And, he's one of the only people that ever call me that. I would have smiled if it had been other circumstances. I tried. Or maybe I did. I don't know. But I knew he understood how I was feeling. He wouldn't take it too personally. He knows me. It's alright.

I look at him. He's looking at me. I know he's not going to say anything until I'm ready. He knows me like that, sometimes even better than I know myself. Hell, pretty much always better than I know myself. I nod. I don't want to be doing this, but I know that Jerry knows that. And I know that he doesn't want to be doing this either. We both want to be up in that waiting room, waiting for news about Chris. The sooner we get through this the quicker we can get back up there, and we both know it. I sigh slowly.

Looking at Jerry I nod quickly. "Okay, let's do this, then."

"Alright, just tell me what happened. What was the plan? Who went in first?" Jerry asked. His notebook was out, and he was holding a pencil. I looked at it for a second before speaking. It was weird being on this side of the witness statement taking process. It was strange and I didn't like it. I felt nervous all of a sudden.

"I told Oliver and Chris to go around the front, Traci and I went around the back." I say. "Oliver went in first, I heard him tell the suspect behind the counter to put his gun down. He told him they were the police, and told him to put his gun down and put his hands over his head. He didn't listen, I wasn't in there yet, but I could hear Oliver tell him to put his gun down again." I say, looking at Jerry. He writes down a few things and then looks up at me. "So Oliver made it known that he was a police officer?"

I look at Jerry for a second. Is he serious? He understands just by my look. He always does.

"Sam, I know. But I have to ask." Jerry says, and his voice is apologetic. I understand. He's just trying to do his job. He doesn't want to do this anymore than I do.

"Yes, he did." I say. "Then I entered the back with Traci, we were quiet, we were trying to sneak up behind the suspect. Oliver told him to put his gun down again, and he didn't listen. He didn't know I was there, and then I grabbed his arms from behind. I started to cuff him. Then I heard-" I stop. I didn't really want to talk about Chris getting shot. I know this is what I have to do, this is the whole point of the statement taking, but I don't want to do it.

Jerry knows this. He's quiet for a few seconds. He doesn't need to say anything, I know what he means. But he does anyway. "Take your time"

I nod. "I know" My voice catches in my throat. I clear it quickly, hoping that Jerry hasn't heard, but I know he has. I look at him quickly. He's not looking at me. He's looking at his notes. But I know that he heard me. He's a good friend.

I look at Jerry again and a second later he looks up at me. He offers me a small smile. I nod. I try to smile back. Try.

"Ugh, next I hear Chris yell to me. 'Sir'. He called me 'sir'." I say. My voice is better than it was a second ago. I know it's getting worse though. I almost laugh as I think about Chris calling me sir. Jerry smiles.

"Chris called you sir?" Jerry asks. I nod. "Weird, isn't it?" I say. Jerry nods. I can tell he's trying to laugh. If it was different we'd both be laughing. Making fun of the kid for calling me sir. If it was different. But its not. And it's painful because we both know it.

I look at Jerry again, then look away quickly, and he does the same. "What next?"

"I barely even turned before I heard gunshots. My back was to the second gunman. I can only assume that he, ugh, he tried to shoot me. Chris tried to stop him. He tried to save me. And he got shot." My voice is starting to waver. But it's not bad enough that I can't conceal it yet.

Jerry starts talking immediately, and I knew that he would. "Sammy, this isn't your fault."

I shrug. "It's not?" How is this not my fault? Chris jumped in front of a gun to save me. Me. He tried to save me. And he got shot.

"Sam, don't do that" Jerry shakes his head. "You'll destroy yourself trying to think of what could have been."

"What could have been?" I ask. "What should have been. I should have saved him. I should have protected him. I should have taken that bullet." I say, the anger in my voice barely conceals the wavering. I can't look at Jerry, I know I'll lose it.

"So it would have been you in that bed? No. Sam, c'mon. How would that have helped anything?" Jerry asks, that tone of trying to convince me of something is clear. I shake my head.

"It would have been better for me. For Chris" I say.

Jerry shakes his head. "Sam, stop. This isn't your fault. You didn't shoot him. You did everything you could. He'll be okay."

I just look at him. "You think so?"

Jerry doesn't say anything back. I know what that means. So does he. I look back at his notebook and gesture to it with my hands. "The sooner we finish this the sooner we can go back upstairs and wait for news." I notice the blood on my hands while gesturing with them. So does Jerry. We both stare at them for a while. Then we look at each other. We know how the other is feeling. Neither one of us say what we know the other is thinking. We don't have to. And we don't want to.

"Okay, so let's finish this." Jerry says, he clears his throat. I nod. "Okay."

"So you heard a gunshot and turned around?" Jerry asks.

"Yes. I heard a gunshot, it was the suspect's, then I heard another one, it must have been Oliver, and then another that came from my right, it must have been Traci. Then I turned around more, saw the suspect with the gun, I fired four shots, Oliver fired another, and so did Traci. But the gunman managed to shoot another one, it hit Chris in the leg. The first one the guy got off hit Chris in the stomach."

Jerry nodded as he wrote some more things down. He looked up at me after a few seconds and I continued. "Then, we cleared the gun. I ran to Chris. I bent down. He was bleeding a lot. I pressed my hands to his stomach. Traci was holding his neck. She got to him first. Then I did. I pressed my hands to his stomach. I asked if he could hear me. He told me he could. His voice was weird. Strained, raspy, gasping, desperate. I told him not to talk. Then I ordered Traci to go get the first aid kit."

"Okay, so Traci went to go get the first aid kit. Where was Oliver?" Jerry asked.

"Chris groaned, he saw how much he was bleeding. I told him it looked worse than it was. But I have no idea. I told him he'd be okay. Then Oliver came over and asked where he'd been hit. Chris told him the stomach. And I told him the leg. Chris didn't know he'd been shot in the leg. He told us he couldn't feel it." I say slowly. I look at Jerry and he is looking back at me. He stops writing, his pencil stops moving.

"He couldn't feel his leg?" Jerry asks, the wavering in his voice getting more noticeable. He knew what that meant. We both did. I just nod my head. Jerry sighs.

"I told Chris he'd be okay. Chris tried to talk, but he started coughing up blood. Traci still wasn't back with the first aid kit yet. Oliver told Chris to keep looking at him, and told him he'd be okay. We knew Chris was going to start choking on his blood though, so we decided to lift him up onto Oliver's lap. Oliver was behind Chris's head. Traci came back in the store and gave me the first aid kit, and I ripped it open quickly."

Jerry nodded. I knew he didn't know what to say. He probably didn't know if he should say anything. I looked at him, nodded, telling him it was alright, and continued.

"Chris started to close his eyes. I told him not too, and so did Oliver. We told him to keep looking at us." I dumped a few bags of clotting salt on his stomach. Chris spit more blood out of his moth. The ambulance was taking forever. Chris started to close his eyes again. I told him not to, and that it was an order. The kid loves to follow them."

"I know he does" Jerry said.

"You know what he said? 'I'm sorry' He told me he was sorry. What does he have to be sorry for?" I asked. "If anything I should be apologizing to him."

Jerry shook his head. "Don't do that, Sam. This isn't your fault. What happened next?"

"Traci came back in from calling the ambulance. She started to get upset. I yelled at her. I told her it wasn't helping. I told her to help, to use her hands, apply pressure to Chris's leg, as much as possible."

"You were doing your job, you were concerned about Chris." Jerry said. He knew that I felt bad for yelling at Traci.

"I feel like I need to apologize" I said.

"She'll understand" Jerry said. I nod quickly. "I know she will, but still." I say.

"I tried to stop the bleeding more. Chris started closing his eyes. I yelled at him. I yelled at him and kept yelling at him." Why did I yell at him? Was I frustrated? Did I not realize it? Maybe I thought he'd take me more seriously?

"You did what you had to do" Jerry said. I shrug. "He kept looking at you, right?

I nod. "Yea"

"Then it was worth it, right then?" Jerry asked. I shrug.

"Then we could hear the ambulance." I say. "Traci went out to get them, and Oliver and I kept trying to stop the bleeding. The paramedics came, I told them about his injuries, and helped put him in the ambulance." I said.

Jerry nods at me. I could have just stopped there. But for some reason I keep going. "I told him to keep looking at me" I say, and Jerry looks at me. "And he did. All the way to the hospital."

"He's going to be okay" Jerry says, his voice almost wavering as bad as mine is. And, I wonder if he is saying that because he actually believes it, or because he knows it's what we both need to hear.

I look at Jerry, and then I sigh. I need to keep going. I need to tell him more. "Then, I held his hand. I squeezed it. He wouldn't let go. He wouldn't let go of me. I didn't want to leave him. I knew that as long as I was in his sight, as long as I could make him look at me, make him squeeze my hand, that he'd be okay. I didn't want to leave him." And suddenly my voice breaks. I try to clear my throat, but it doesn't work, and I don't really care. I still want to talk more.

"And every time I try to think about something else, I can't" I say, the emotion is full in my voice. It sounds strange, and scary. The tears in my eyes are getting hot, and they are coming dangerously close to slipping down my face. I look at Jerry, I don't care if he sees.

"I tried to stop the bleeding, but he was just bleeding so much. And he was trying so hard not to be scared. But he was. _I_ was. I didn't know what to do. I wanted so badly to know what to do, I wanted to be able to help him. And I couldn't. No matter what I did, he was still in pain, he was still hurt." I say, my voice mixed with my tears, my voice sounds odd, and I'm crying, and I don't care.

"I didn't know what to do. He needed me to help him, and I couldn't. I wanted to be able to help him. I was scared. And I didn't know what to do. Chris was so scared, he was bleeding so much. There was blood everywhere." My voice is barely distinguishable through my heavy tears. But I don't care.

"There was so much blood. So much blood everywhere. And he's so young, he's so young. And he might not make it. All he was trying to do was protect people, and now he might die. I can't get the image of his face, so scared, out of my head. I can't stop hearing his voice, how scared and desperate he was." I say, looking up at Jerry for the first time. "Just let it all out" Jerry says, his voice sounding close to mine.

I notice that he has stopped writing, but I can see that his hand is shaking. I look up at him, there are tears in his eyes. He puts his arm on my shoulder. I cry even harder. He leans over and hugs me, a big brotherly hug. And I cry. And I cry. And I cry. And I cry. I can feel him hug me tighter, my shoulders shaking, and I can feel his arms around my back. Then I can feel his tears drip onto my bloodstained shirt.

And this is what is so special about being best friends. We were both allowed to let it out. We could stand there and cry into each other's shoulders. Let it all out. And we knew, that neither one of us would tell anyone else. We weren't going to tell anyone else. This would stay between us, we weren't going to tell anyone else. We could let it all out and not be afraid, because we knew that we weren't going to tell anyone else. I knew he wasn't going to tell anyone about my wavering voice and my heavy tears, just as I wasn't going to tell anyone about his shaking hand and his crying. We could let it all out.

_**Thanks for reading! Please continue to read and review, and let me know what you guys think? How did you like Sam and Jerry's conversation? Do you think I wrote them well for their characters? Please let me know!**_


	7. I Froze

_**Thanks for the reviews so far guys! I'm glad you like it so far! This chapter will be from Traci's perspective. I'm going to do her interview with Best. I think that if she was interviewed by Jerry it would be a conflict of interest. But what do you guys think, would you have preferred it if I wrote her interview with Jerry? Let me know! Please read and let me know what you guys think! Thanks!**_

"This will only take a few minutes, Traci. I know it's difficult, but I really need you to tell me what happened." Frank asks me, he's staring at me, but I can tell he's trying to make me feel comfortable. It's not his fault. I don't think anything would make me comfortable right now. Not any time soon.

I nod and try to say "I know, let's just get this over with", but all I can manage is a shaky, "okay." My hands are still shaking. I try to press them in between my legs. I'mashamed enough that they're still shaking. I don't need Frank to see them too. I look down quickly, and I sniff. I can't stop crying. The tears are sitting in my eyes ready to fall, and I'm trying my hardest not to let them.

"Just start from the beginning, Traci. What happened? Who went in first?" Frank asks me kindly. He looks quickly at my hands. He must be able to tell they're shaking. It probably isn't hard, they're making my whole body shake.

"I went with Swarek. He told me to follow him around back. Oliver and Chris went around front. I heard Oliver yell for someone to put their gun down. We still weren't in yet though. We were walking behind the building. The plan was for us to come in the back, surprise the suspects. Oliver and Chris were going to go in from the front, and we were going to take the suspects down from behind." I try to remember as clearly as I can. I always thought that if I was a witness I'd be able to remember all the important details. But, it is so much harder than I thought. It's like my brain isn't allowing me to focus on what I want to focus on. It's choosing the topics, and I don't like them.

"Okay, so you and Swarek went around back. When did you enter?" Frank asks me, he's writing this all down in a notebook and the feeling that I've done something wrong increases.

"Umm, we ugh," I try to think back. I pause for a few seconds. It probably makes me look like I don't know what I'm talking about. But, I don't really care. "We entered after Oliver told the suspect to put his gun down for the third time. He told him once when he first walked in, another time after he identified himself as a police officer, and then again right before we walked in. Sam went in first."

"Okay, then what. Did Sam say anything to you? Did he give you any instructions?" Franks asks me. I don't know what he means by that. Is he trying to get me to either justify or incriminate Sam? No, he wouldn't do that. I'm overanalyzing this. This isn't the time for overanalyzing. This is a simple question.

"Um, no, ugh" I think back, I remember Sam gesturing toward the right. "Yea, um, yea, he did. He gestured for me to go toward the right on three."

"Okay" Franks eyes me carefully and I know what that means, he's wondering if I'm credible. I've seen that look before from pretty much all the officers during interviews of witnesses. I've probably even given it myself.

"He did, he gestured" I say again, trying to make my point.

Frank nods once. "What next?"

"Well, ugh, we, went in, Oliver was pointing his gun at the suspect behind the counter. The suspect was pointing his gun at the cashier. He wasn't facing us, the suspect, it looked like the plan was actually going to work."

"Okay, so you guys went in. What happened next?" Frank asks me.

I can't focus. My head is spinning. My thoughts are going crazy in my head. I can't handle this. I don't know what to say. I can feel my breathing getting heavier, I try to take a deep breath and I gasp. Frank offers me a small smile.

"Are you okay? We can take a minute if you want?" Franks says, his voice kind. I can tell he doesn't want to be doing this either.

I try to speak, but I can't. I gasp again loudly, before I take a deep breath. "No, I'm okay. Let's do this" I nod slowly.

"We ugh, we approached the suspect from behind. Sam was in front" I say, I close my eyes and try to remember more details, but I can't. I can barely focus. My mind doesn't seem to want me to be able to remember how long it took for us to approach the suspect, or how long it took for Sam to cuff him, or when Chris shouted 'Sir', or whether or not Sam started to say the Miranda rights.

No, what my mind is allowing me to focus on is Chris. The deep red, almost brown color of his blood as it spread across the linoleum tiles. The emotion in his voice as he saw how he was bleeding. The look in Chris's eyes. The way Sam's voice was wavering. The way Oliver was urging Chris to stay awake. The way my hands felt on his neck, trying to steady him. Chris gasping for air. How long it took for the paramedics to show up, and how long it took to get to the hospital. The sound of the bullets. But I couldn't remember what Frank was asking me for. That stuff was not what was important right now. This was what was important, Chris.

I shake my head as my breathing starts to get heavier. "I can't do this. I can't focus, I'm sorry. All I can see is Chris's face, scarred and worried, his blood all over the ground, Sam yelling terrified, Oliver and Sam trying to stop the bleeding. The sound of the guns firing. That's what I'm remembering, I'm sorry I can't do this."

My hands are shaking even more now, I wedge them even further in between my legs, trying to prevent them from shaking, but it doesn't work. Frank sees this, and he reaches across and grabs my wrist. He pulls my hand up and holds it with both of his. He put his notebook and pencil down. Apparently, he agreed with me. That stuff wasn't important right now.

"I know, I know, but you can do this, Traci. We'll work from that, okay? Just tell me what you remember. You said you remember the sound of the gunshots? How many were there?" Franks asks me.

I close my eyes and think back. It's all I've been able to hear pretty much for a while. I count them as they play over in my head. One. One. One. Four. One. One. One.

"The gunman shot Chris first" I say, "then Oliver got off a shot and so did I, then Sam shot four, Oliver fired again, I fired again, and so did the suspect. The suspect's second bullet hit Chris in the leg."

"So ten total?" Frank asks me.

I count them in my head. "Yea, ten"

Frank squeezes my hand. "You're doing great, Traci. You're really helping."

I shake my head. I just want to go back upstairs.

"What else do you remember, Traci. Anything will be helpful."

I think back, try to think of anything else besides Chris's face and his scared voice. And the blood. And the bullets. And the yelling. Then I think of something else.

"I froze" I say quietly. I don't really want to admit it, but I have to. I _did_. I froze. I have to say it.

"What do you mean?" Frank looks at me curiously.

I sigh. "I froze. I mean, Sam yelled for me to go get the first aid kit, and I froze. I was so concentrated on Chris's face, I just, I couldn't move. I knew he was ordering me to go, but I just, I couldn't. He yelled for me to do it again, and I went. But I was so distracted. I always thought that if something happened, I'd be able to think clearly, do what needed to be done. I guess not."

"Traci, this doesn't mean that," Franks starts but I cut him off. I need to finish . I need to get it out.

"That's not it though. When I came back with the first aid kit, Sam told me he needed me to help. I looked at Chris and started crying. I cried, in front of Chris. I stood there and cried because I was scared and I didn't know what to do. They needed me, and I couldn't help. I just stood there. It's my fault. Maybe if I had acted quicker, he'd be okay or I don't know. I was eventually able to apply pressure to Chris's leg, but that's after Sam yelled at me. I just stood there."

"It's okay, Traci, it's alright. This isn't your fault. You were scared. You didn't know what to do. It's okay."

"No, it's not okay" I say. "Sam and Oliver were scared too. They didn't cry. I let them down. I let Chris down."

"The only way you're letting them down is by if you beat yourself up over it. That's not going to do anything. All you can do is be prepared. Sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn't. And Sam and Oliver have been on the job a lot longer than you have. They've been in these kinds of intense situations before. You haven't."

"Still, I should have acted. I should have done something." I say, the disappointment clear in my voice. I start to cry again.

"You did, Traci. You did." Franks says. "You did what you could. You applied pressure to Chris's wounds, you directed the paramedics, you pulled it together, and were able to function. You did what you needed to. I know you froze for a few seconds, but you were able to do what needed to be done after that.

"I guess so" I say. I don't really feel like wallowing in what I could have done. This isn't about me. It's about Chris.

"What do you say we go back upstairs and wait for any news about Chris?" Franks asks me as he stands up, still holding my hand.

I stand up too, and give him a hug. Press my face into his shoulder for a few seconds and cry. When I lean back I wipe the tears out of my eyes. Then I press my face against his shoulder again.

"Thank you" I say quietly.

Franks hugs me tighter. "For what?"

"For listening" I say, and the two of us walk upstairs together back to the waiting room.

_**Thanks for reading!**_


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